Growing up, my mama never paid a lot for my shoes.
I had a really bad habit of dragging my feet when I walked, so the bottoms of my shoes and the tips of my shoes were often scuffed.
I also spent a tremendous amount of time in mud puddles because:
WHY NOT. 😆😛
So when I would be gifted a pair of shoes that I actually WANTED (think: the Converse 👟 with the stars you could swap out the colors and NOT the Dollar General skippies) I would be extra careful to take care of them.
Once the new 👟 shoes were on my feet, I was suddenly more aware of how I was walking. I made a special effort not to drag my feet so that the shoes would last longer.
Oh, but don’t get it twisted, I would also receive REGULAR reminders 🗣🗣🗣🗣 from my mama to pick my feet up when I walked, which certainly helped me to remember. 😆
In today’s reading we are reminded that we are God’s creation and because of this,
we are called to care for our bodies and our soul in the same way.
He made us! Why would we then destroy something he took such good care to create? 🤔
A very simple example of this is if you went out and bought a brand new pair of red bottom shoes and you just wore them wherever you wanted to wear them.
👠In the pool, etc.
You would never do that, right?
Because of their VALUE 💰 .
You worked for the money you used (unless you have a rich aunt or a sugar daddy 🤪) to purchase the shoes, correct?
So they are VALUABLE to you!
I am certainly not comparing myself (or you 👀) to a pair of shoes, but this is a great example of how much God cares for us and VALUES us.
Honey, on a daily basis I imagine God walking around behind me saying “girl pick up your feet!” when I make mistakes (which I do on a daily basis).
Do you have a daily routine to care for your body?
Has that routine changed during the pandemic?
Scripture: You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV)
Caramel Cake, Pimento Cheese and the Abundance of my Grandmother's Kitchen Table (Made to Crave, Day 2)
My parents divorced when I was very young so I spent a lot of time with my paternal grandmother Frances as a child while my mother worked or attended college. My Hamblen and Green county people know, my grandmother made the best cakes on earth.
I would often spend my day eating whatever was around at Nannie’s so when it came time to eat our actual meal I was not hungry. My grandmother never made me eat if I was not hungry and would always allow me to have whatever I wanted later in the evening. 🤣🤣
It was the opposite in my mother’s home. She cooked a meal every morning before she went to work so that we would have a balanced meal when we got home from school. Our snacks in the home were fresh and never came from a package. We did not have sweet drinks unless it was a special occasion. We did not even have meals like tacos unless it was my birthday!
So how do you manage two different worlds when it comes to eating?
The short answer is: You don’t. You don’t really learn what is the proper way to eat. You just know what people prefer individually, and follow suit when you are with THEM.
But that is the kicker! If I was always doing something to please other people, how would I learn what worked for me?
For me, it is starting with what am I eating INSTEAD of meals?
Yesterday we talked about Chex Mix and while we were joking about it, it is a serious issue for me because it is a snack I turn to on a daily basis.
So my question for the day is: am I craving snacks Or am I craving something deeper? We all know how it feels to be sad, forgotten, left out, etc. What do we do when we have those feelings? Some of us eat too much, others drink, others engage in activities that are inappropriate, we all have some thing we do to cope. But when that coping mechanism becomes a daily occurrence, it is time to rethink how we are living.
What were you taught about eating as a child? Were there clear boundaries around what you could and could not eat or was it a free-for-all?
I have always been a junk food junkie.
Since as long as I can remember, I have loved snacks. Little Debbie. Cheese Doodles. You name it.
And if the package makes an annoyingly loud sound (which we know is the WORST)? Gimme!
And every year, I choose a new snack to covet: the year we filmed The Rhythm in Blue, it was those little caramels with the cream filling.
Then it was Baked Lays.
Then it was Raisenettes.
Then it was fruit snacks.
Now, it’s Chex Mix. Cheddar. It has to be Cheddar.
It is very rare that you see me eating a full meal but I will snack all day long! Ask about me! Appetizers are my jam. Cheese and crackers? Yes, please.
Don’t get me wrong, snacks are not bad if you are eating a balanced diet (unlike me). But if you are
ONLY eating snacks, or if snacks make up most of your day’s food like me, it’s a problem.
Day 1 of Made to Crave reminds us that cravings are created by God. He WANTS us to crave.
But God wants our cravings satisfied by HIM. Not the world. And certainly not by Cheddar Chex Mix.
How can we start to look at the little things we turn to for comfort throughout the day?
When we are stressed, what do we do? If you are me, I reach for the Chex mix! Now that I know this, I can think of healthier alternatives.
Do you have a daily “coping” habit you need to re-evaluate?
Like most families, my family received several flowers from friends and family when my my grandmother Mary Frances Senter passed away in 2016. Her funeral was located in her hometown of Bean Station, Tennessee, and we had driven down from Springfield, Massachusetts.
The plants were divided among family members, but I asked for the largest one to bring back to Massachusetts. A few days later, we were back home and I placed Frances in the living room by the window.
Over the months she didn't grow, but also didn't die! I kept watering her and clipping her dead ends. But around Christmas last year, her leaves began to droop. I watered her, but she was still dying! I almost threw her away until a tiny voice said "Move her."
And I did. I picked her up and moved her from the living room to the kitchen, and placed her up higher than she was before. I continued what I had done before: watered her, but I also began to call her by name when I watered her.
Fast forward 4 months later, and Frances the Peace Lilly is thriving!
What can we learn from Frances the Peace Lilly?
If you have been feeling stuck, buried, unable to grow, etc., maybe you should get up and MOVE to a new location.
The sky is the limit! Anytime you are feeling like you don't know what to do next, remember Frances the Lilly!
When I was in my early 20s I took a creative writing class at a local community college. I was a single
mother to a 4 year old at the time so I remember sitting down at the desk for the first time and feeling so excited to be able to have the time and space to create without interruption.
My professor’s name was Katherine Gilbert-Espada. The last name reminded me of the name of one of my favorite poets Martin ESPADA, but I did not make the connection.
It was not until the end of the semester when she invited us to her home for dinner when I realized the connection was real.
So flash forward to dinner at my professors home in Amherst, Massachusetts. We are just finished eating with the door open from one of the back rooms and in walks:
None of the other students knew who he was but I knew who he was from the moment he stepped into the kitchen. He is very tall so he is very easy to recognize if you know what he looks like. I held back from fainting because to me it was like meeting Michael Jackson. (Lol) He was gracious as he listened to some of our very green poems and then excused himself for the rest of the evening to do grading.
I saw him again many years later at a reading and he remembered meeting me at his home all those years ago. He asked if I was still writing, I said yes. He was pleased. He signed my book with a memory of that evening at his home in Amherst.
Have you ever been able to meet one of your favorite writers, actors, etc.? If so, what did you say to them?
I have always been “curious”.
Even as a little girl, I would spend hours sitting on the concrete floor of my grandfather George’s garage as he worked on cars.
He had many toolboxes but the one I was always most interested in was his Craftsman toolbox that stood almost as tall as he did.
Because my mother worked until 5 most days and was taking night classes at Walter's State Community College to earn her drafting degree, my grandfather and I would sometimes spend the whole evening outside, pausing only to eat dinner when Nannie brought it out.
From the first day I sat with Grandaddy, he told me the rules: “Don’t touch anything!”
And I didn’t for the first few weeks, until one day Grandaddy left to see family in North Carolina.
I waited for my grandmother to turn on The Price is Right and I snuck back into the garage.
One by one, I opened the drawers of the tall, red toolbox, removing tools and holding them up to the sun to see them sparkle. I don’t know what got into me, but I decided to take some of the sockets out of the drawers and put them in my pockets.
I didn’t think he would miss them.
I walked down to the creek that ran behind their home and squatted down at the edge. I reached into my pocket and began to take the sockets out one by one to place them in the creek.
But before I could finish, I heard my grandmother calling for me to come inside.
The next morning, my grandfather returned from North Carolina and started working on his car again. When I came out to the garage he asked me: “Chris, have you seen my sockets?”
I immediately started to cry. “They’re in the creek!”
My grandfather was stunned. “What? How did they get in the creek, Crystal?”
“I put them there!” I said as I sobbed harder. “You had so many other ones. I didn’t think you would need them so I took some down to the river where the sun shines on the rocks. They look so pretty down there!"
My grandfather sighed. “Well you’re just gonna have to go back and get them!”
And with that, I walked back down the hill to the creek to retrieve the sockets.
When I returned, my grandfather took the wet sockets from me, dried them off and began to place them back in their rightful place in his Sears toolbox.
“I know they all look the same when you first look at them," my grandfather said. "But they each do something different. Some of them help me to tighten small screws while others help me to tighten larger bolts. Some of them can even expand the tools I currently have to make a whole new tool! This is why you should never assume something is worthless because it is common. There is value in ALL things."
That is how we are as humans. Yes, we share similarities, we all have hair and bones and teeth and arms and legs. But we also each have a unique gift that can only be used a certain way. God made us that way!
Are you able to see the unique gifts in others?
What is your unique gift?
Like most people, I can get caught up in the negative when others around me are. But lately, I have been thinking about how much of what bothers us is controlled by our thoughts and feelings. If we approach the situation with a clouded view, we will not be able to see everything clearly. In fact, if our view is clouded by past experiences, we may not be able to see anything.
So where do we begin? We can start by ”cleaning” our own view of the situation. What assumptions are we making? What historical knowledge are we bringing in? All of this can determine how we are viewing the situation or even our work. Try to let go of how things “used” to be and focus on how you can make things better moving forward.
I have been a Justice of the Peace for almost 20 years, and 99% of the weddings I have officiated have taken place in a chapel, a conservatory, a park, or someone's home.
So when a friend asked me to officiate her wedding at a local State park in the middle of July, I wasn't concerned. I had definitely dealt with my share of hot days while officiating weddings in New England over the years. But when I arrived at the park dressed in my usual wedding attire (black pants, heels and a jacket), she pointed to the beginning of a trail. “By the way, we have to hike to our ceremony location.” My heart dropped. She didn’t know this, but I had never hiked before.
I took a breath, smiled and said “Sounds like fun!” As we walked, that tiny voice in my head said things like: “you’ll NEVER make it to the top of that mountain,” and “you should have turned back a long time ago!” But I simply put one foot in front of the other and within an hour we were at the summit! The view was gorgeous!
As I officiated the wedding, eagles swooped above our heads and birds chirped in the distance. As they said their vows, the sun began to set.
As we walked back down the mountain, I thought about how worried I had been when we first stepped foot onto the trail. I really didn’t believe I had it in me to hike for an hour. But then I remembered one of the first Bible verses I ever learned: Philippians 4:13, which says: I can do all things through him who strengthens me
What did I learn that day?
Feel the fear, but move your feet!
Even though I had no idea how long the hike would be, or how high the peak would be. So instead of worrying about how long I would have to walk, I just put one foot in front of the other
No matter what the small voice says, I AM strong!
I reflected on all the ways I had been strong in my life. I birthed a baby, for goodness sakes! So a little 1 hour hike would be nothing compared to that.
Focus on the destination
I had seen the view from mountain tops many times in movies, in photos and online. But none of those images compared to the image that is now forever embedded in my brain from that day.
I have to be honest: I have not hiked since that day. But I know now that I am able to, if the opportunity presents itself again.
Are you facing a challenge and you don’t know if you’ll make it through? Pray about it and get moving! Trust that God has equipped you with all the tools you need to be successful.
I can still remember that Christmas in 2001 when, after opening his gifts, my son looked at me and asked “Is that all?”
It had been a tough year financially, and we had done our best to provide him with the best Christmas we could afford. But after weeks of seeing commercial after commercial of this toy and that car, my son fully expected to find everything he wanted under the tree.
So once Christmas morning finally arrived, my son didn’t care much for the brand new coat that would keep him warm, or the books that would teach him how to add and subtract. He wanted the Superman action figure that could hang from the doorway. He wanted the Elmo doll that laughed and giggled. He wanted the transformer truck that could light up and turn flips.
Aren’t we a lot like that, too? God gives us everything we need: breath in our lungs, a warm home, a car to drive, a well-paying job, hands to prepare a big meal for our family and friends. Yet we still long for the "shiny and new” things in life. We can often act like entitled children when it comes to receiving gifts because we’re looking for presents UNDER the tree, instead of seeking the PRESENCE of God in our lives.
Believe me, I still have some work to do. I have moments where I am selfish too! But every time I catch myself saying a selfish word, or exhibiting an "But I WANT!" attitude, I ask God to check my heart. I don’t ever want to expect the presents I receive to define the level of joy I’ll feel that day. Instead, I want my heart to be filled with the goodness of God!
Now, instead of an endless mountain of gifts to open, I want to open my door to find my family on the other side to join us for dinner. And instead of viewing countless credit card bills in January for all the unnecessary gifts I purchased in December, I now view my January calendar, which is filled with lunch dates and face to face time with my friends and family.
I pray that your Christmas season is everything you want it to be. Whether it is a house filled with family and friends, or a quiet day at home in your pajamas, watching the Hallmark channel. But most of all, I hope your Christmas season reminds you of the true gift of the season: God.
Five therapy dogs visited our campus today to help our students to ease the stress that comes with finals’ week!
The dog the the top photo was a “veteran” therapy dog- he had done lots of these events before. He was climbing onto laps and giving kisses and nose bumps.
But the dog on the bottom seemed a little overwhelmed at first by all the people, noise, petting, etc. He stood by his handler while the rest of the dogs were on laps and rolling around on the floor while getting their tummies rubbed.
He eventually warmed up to the room but watching him made me think about how (especially during the holiday season that always comes with large gatherings with lots of people and noise!), we need to be even more kind to each other.
Resist the urge to “show up” to every single event you are invited to.
If your body says to rest instead of going to that gathering, rest.
Give each other space.
And most of all: show each other grace.
The first thing I noticed were the cuts on her knees.
Then I noticed her blackened right eye. It was blood-shot and bruised, and she was holding a ziplock bag filled with ice cubes against her face.
“If I were you, I’d KILL HIM!” her friend said to her.
The woman just sat there silently.
I was there to run a writing workshop, not serve as a counselor, but I couldn't help it. As soon as the woman's friend stepped away, I started a conversation with her.
As we sat and chatted she began to tell me about how she ended up at this shelter.
“I hated my parents,” she said. “They were really strict, you know? They wouldn’t let me do ANYTHING!”
She left home on her 18th birthday and soon realized life on the outside of her home was anything but easy. Within a few weeks she was bouncing from couch to couch. Within a few months she had worn out her welcome at her friend's house, so she accepted a cot at this shelter.
She’s 19 now.
“How do you earn money? How do you survive?” I asked her.
“Dancing,” she said, pointing to the strip club that was directly across from the shelter. The neon light was flashing LIVE GIRLS, even though it was only 1:00 in the afternoon. Her shift was the begin later that day.
After spending most of the day with her, I began to think how one poor choice can lead to so many choices we may not have control over. She went from being someone’s “baby girl” to dancing in a dark club at 3:00 in the afternoon. Stripping was the only way she knew to get by. She told me her faith in God was long gone. “He forgot about me, I guess,” she said. But boy was she wrong!
I didn't want to preach to her, but I couldn’t wait to share Jeremiah 1:5 with her because she needed to know how special she is! She needed to know God formed her in the womb, not because He had to but because He WANTED to! She had a whole life ahead of her, and all she had to do was take the first step toward a change. I didn’t want to come off as one of those pamphlet-distributing Bible thumpers, I just wanted her to know how good God had been to me. Yes, I made (and still make) lots of mistakes, but my connection to God means by His grace alone I can get up every single day knowing I will do my best to serve Him.
When I went back a few weeks later, she wasn’t there. I immediately thought something had happened to her- but her friend told me she had reconnected with her parents and was now back at home. I was overjoyed!
Sometimes we lose sight of who we are and WHOSE we are, and this is when we start the spiral downwards into a life God never meant for us to have. God wants the best for us! He sets the plan in action but it’s up to us to be obedient and follow what He says. If it means we have to tolerate strict parents, a micro-managing boss or a teenager who thinks we know nothing, then so be it. This is the path God chose for us!
If you are struggling with getting back on track with your life, ask God for help! He is always available, all you have to do is ask. You don’t have to spend another moment waiting for things to “turn around”- you can take control right now and make it all right again.
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.“
Mason jars have been a part of my life since I was a little girl.
I remember the women in my family using them to “can” food they wanted to store throughout the winter. Seeing them being pulled from the pantry shelf meant having something delicious to spread on my grandmother’s warm biscuits like strawberry jam or apple butter. My grandmother's shelves were always stocked with mason jars, so I saw them every day. My uncle even worked at the “Ball” plant for over 40 years in Tennessee, and I remember seeing the logo on his uniform growing up.
Over the years, the use for the mason jar changed. Suddenly, they were not being used to only store food, but instead were used for decoration at weddings. I have used them to create cakes in a jar and I've even placed votives inside them to use during parties and other celebrations.
But two years ago, my use of Mason jars changed yet again. Except this time, it was not for a festive occasion like storing treats or decorations. Instead, it was to fill and bring homemade juice to a friend who was dealing with another cancer diagnoses. A few months later, she passed away.
For many months after she died, I drove around with the mason jars still in my trunk. Some of them had been washed, but others still had the remnants of the green juice caked on the inside. Every time I planned to bring them into my house to wash them, my eyes filled with tears. Just seeing them made me feel so sad, because I remembered what they were used for. I finally ended up putting them in my recycling bin last summer.
I still had a few leftover jars at my house, which I found myself avoiding by tucking them away in a cabinet. Anytime I needed to use a jar, I figured out something else to use instead. I just didn’t want to feel sad anymore.
Fast forward to April 2018, when one of my dear girlfriends offered to make me and my husband one of my favorite dishes she had cooked for me before: stewed bacalao, yucca and cilantro and lime rice. As I unpacked our food and smelled the wonderful aroma, I discovered a mason jar. As soon as I saw the top of the jar, my stomach dropped. Until I picked up the jar and noticed (in Tori's very beautiful handwriting) “Tori’s House Dressing”. As I shook it up and poured it over our salad, the feelings of sadness I used to have whenever I would see a mason jar disappeared.
Tori had no idea what the mason jar symbolized to me up until that day. But her one gesture of kindness: making me and my husband a meal, forever changed how I viewed mason jars. Where they once conjured up feelings of sadness, now I only see them through the lense of joy.
Is there something in your life that brings up bad memories when you see it? If so, how can you reframe the way you view it in a NEW way?
"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19
I received a phone call recently from my mother, who informed me that she (along with my cousin and three aunts) would be coming to visit my family for a few days so they could visit her younger sister in a local hospital. One part of me was excited to be seeing my family. But the other part of me immediately thought of the state of my home. How would I prepare for 5 houseguests at a moment’s notice?
God has blessed me with a three bedroom, two-floor home, so there is plenty of room. But room did not automatically equal space for everyone to sleep. I had visions of the perfectly decorated rooms I had seen in magazines, but those rooms looked nothing like the rooms in my home.
As I sat in my living room, I started to do an inventory of sleeping spaces in my home. Two people could sleep on our pull out sofa, one person could sleep on an air mattress upstairs, and another could sleep on the twin bed in our guestroom. But what about the fifth person? Maybe they could sleep on the chaise lounge?
I had less than twelve hours to prepare for their arrival, so I spent some time in prayer asking God to help me to prepare not only my home, but also my heart for their arrival.
Then I remembered a scripture I learned many years ago: “Share with the Lordʼs people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” (Romans 12:13). 1 Peter 4:9 also says to: “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.” We are called to be hospitable to people in need. But hospitality does not mean perfection. My towels don’t always match, and that’s okay! Pretty towels and fancy dishes mean nothing to the Lord. What God wants from us for our hearts to open and for us to welcome our guests with open arms.
So the next day, when my family arrived, we welcomed them joyfully! Within an hour or so,my husband had breakfast cooking, and everyone began to settle in. After they returned from the hospital visit, we shared a meal of fried chicken, macaroni and cheese and coleslaw. And we even had cupcakes to celebrate my mother and uncle’s shared birthdays!
The stress I had felt two days was replaced with a full heart as we created memories for years to come.
Do you have an opportunity to share your home with someone this month? Invite someone to join you for a meal and don’t worry about making sure your home is perfect. Instead, prepare your heart for fellowship and watch how God blesses your visit!
1 Peter 4:9
I can still remember that Christmas many years ago when, after opening his gifts, my son looked at me and asked “Is that all?”
It had been a tough year financially, and we had done our best to provide him with the best Christmas we could afford. But after weeks of seeing commercial after commercial of this toy and that car, he expected to find everything he wanted under the tree. Once Christmas morning finally arrived, my son didn’t care much for the gift of the coat that would keep him warm, or the books that would teach him how to add and subtract. He wanted the Superman action figure that could hang from the doorway. He wanted the Elmo doll that laughed and giggled. He wanted the truck that could light up and turn flips.
Aren’t we a lot like that, too? God gives us everything we need: breath in our lungs, legs to walk, hands to prepare a big meal for our family and friends. Yet we still long for the "shiny" things in life. We can often act like entitled children when it comes to receiving gifts because we’re looking for presents UNDER the tree, instead of seeking the PRESENCE of Jesus in our lives.
Believe me, I still have some work to do. I have moments where I am selfish too! But every time I catch myself saying a selfish word, or exhibiting an "But I WANT!" attitude, I ask God to check my heart. I don’t ever want to expect the presents under the tree to define the level of joy I’ll feel that day. Instead, I want my heart to be filled with the goodness of God! Instead of an endless mountain of gifts to open, I want to open my door to find my family on the other side to join us for dinner. And instead of receiving countless credit card bills in January for all the gifts I purchased in December, I want to receive God's purpose for my life.
I pray that your Christmas season is everything you want it to be. Whether it is a house filled with family and friends, or a quiet day at home in your pajamas, watching the Hallmark channel. But most of all, I hope your Christmas season reminds you of the true gift of the season: Jesus Christ.
God bless you!
I woke up with the idea yesterday that I was going to make a homemade meal. I planned what I was going to make: country fried steak with gravy, homemade mashed potatoes and veggies.
I took my time to prepare the meal with love and when everything was done, I reached up to the top of the stove to take the foil and cover the mashed potatoes. As soon as I touched the foil (it is one of those heavy-duty boxes that is very heavy), the entire box tipped and hit the pan with the steak and gravy.
Within a split second, the entire pan and all of its contents splattered all over my kitchen floor.
I stood there frozen in place for a few seconds. My husband was in the other room but he heard the crash and came into the kitchen to see what had just happened. He looked down and saw the steak and gravy all over the floor, then he looked up at me and saw that I was on the verge of tears. He immediately hugged me and thanked me for making the meal, then he began to clean up the mess I had also made. Once I broke out of my shock, I helped clean up, too.
Once the floor was clean, I stared at the stove at what was left of the meal I had prepared: mashed potatoes and lima beans (my husband's favorite). The child in me just throw the rest of it away because I had no idea how I was going to pull together another meal in less than an hour before my husband had to leave.
So I did what any 21st century mother and wife would have done: I called a local restaurant and ordered 2 steaks. Within an hour, I was back home and the meal was saved. Our revised menu? Sirloin steak, mashed potatoes, corn and lima beans.
What did I learn from this mishap?
1. Be present and pay attention. I've noticed I have been very distracted this month because I have so much going on, and many projects that are due. If I had taken the time to take the foil with both hands, I would not have knocked the steak and gravy onto the floor.
2. Stay calm in the middle of chaos. I wanted to cry when I saw the steak and gravy spilled all over my floor, but instead, I collected myself and helped my husband clean up the mess.
3. There is always a plan B. Sure, the meal I made was made with love, but was dropping it on the floor really the end of the world? By thinking quickly, I was able to replace the meal with another meal that was just as good.
We are all very busy with our holiday festivities as well as our normal schedule, but God does not want us to be running around day and night without taking time fo ourselves. Hebrews 4:11 says: So let us do our best to enter that rest.
As you are completing your daily tasks this holiday season, don't forget to take time to renew your spirit. Otherwise, you may end up feeding your kitchen floor like I did yesterday!
When we graduate from high school, most of us assume our worries of bullies are long gone. We finish college and secure a satisfying job that allows us to earn an income that will support our families.
But for many of us, once we settle into our jobs, we find the issue of bullying is still alive and well. The difference between our bullies then and our bullies now is that the “new” bullies are carrying briefcases and cups of coffee. They’re driving new cars and talking on smartphones. And they most likely have influence over the rest of your coworkers.
Every day, some victims of workplace bullies have to take a sedative just to be able to go to work. Other victims spend their lunch hours in the car to avoid the stares and whispers in the employee lunchroom. They take “mental health days” at least once a month and they toss and turn on Sunday nights because they know Monday morning will bring another round of anxiety and stress headaches.
Bullying used to be obvious (being pushed in the schoolyard, being yelled at in the school hallways, etc.), but workplace bullying is usually subtle. A workplace bully may exclude certain co-workers from lunch outings or coffee breaks, or the bully may speak down to their victim during meetings. No matter the tactic used by the bully, it’s up to you to diffuse the situation immediately. Use the Bible as your blueprint on how to handle your offender.
1. Confront the bully in private (calmly)
Matthew 18:15-17 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you.”
Sometimes the person truly means no harm, but it is up to us to let them know how they are making us feel. Be clear about what is bothering you. And if the person laughs it off and continues to bully you, go to your supervisor.
2. Develop a new daily routine
Isaiah 43:19 See, I am doing a new thing!
If you are being excluded from lunch outings, take yourself to lunch! Find a good book of devotion- als to read or go for a walk. Spend time with your Father, who loves you most!
3. Know your worth
Psalm 139:14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made! God made you just as you are, so don’t allow another person’s actions to change how you feel about yourself. The light of God will always outshine the darkness of a bully.
4. Pray for your bully
(Luke 11:4) and forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.
Yes, I know what you’re thinking: “She wants me to PRAY for that #$@%*?” But believe me, prayer works wonders. Pray for peace in their lives. Pray for the love of God to come in and heal their bro- ken hearts. You’ll be amazed to see how God can move in their lives!
Dealing with a workplace bully is never easy, but by addressing the situation immediately, you clear the way for a more peaceful (and productive) work day.
This article first appeared in Lioness Magazine.
Parents of small children definitely recognize this image- but I think even those of us who have grown children (or no children at all) recognize her. You may even hear her famous song “Let it Go” playing in your ear.
For the past few months, I could relate to Elsa. While I experienced great success in parts of my life, other parts seemed frozen. Change is hard for me, and sometimes, change causes me to freeze in place, unable to make a decision or a next move.
But the other day, a thaw began. It was gradual, but noticable. What did I do to start the thawing process?
Admit/ identify that something is changing, or needs to change. I spent some time in meditation thinking about what was changing in my life that I had no control over.
Make a plan: I wrote down exactly what I wanted to happen over the next year, and then I broke it down into chunks, 4 weeks at a time. Then I broke the weeks down into a daily action plan.
I got busy: Now that I had an action plan, I started to work on my daily tasks, while keeping my 1 year goal in sight.
Change is hard! Especially when we don’t know if the outcome will be in our favor. But if we stay focused and positive, we can begin the “thawing” process much faster than if we allow ourselves to stay frozen.
How do you handle change?
I was recently assigned to set up an informational table at a local event. As I arrived at 7:15 a.m., I was surprised to walk into the gym walked into the gym to find dozens of providers already set up and ready to welcome the incoming clients. Since the doors had not officially opened yet, almost 100 clients were already lining up outside!
I searched for the table that was supposed to be mine, but I didn’t see it. One of the organizers must have noticed my look of dismay, so he asked if he could help me. I told him the name the table should have been under, he looked at his clipboard and said “Oh! Your table is downstairs! Follow me!”
“Okay!” I said as I gathered up my display board, signs, handouts, coffee and bamboo plant (I usually have a plant on my table when I do tabling events. Most organizations have candy. I have a plant.) I know. I'm strange.
I followed the man to the elevator where we traveled one floor down to the basement. “This way!” he said as he made his way down the dimly lit corridor. As we walked further and further I thought: “Am I going to be able to find my way out of here? Should I have dropped breadcrumbs so I can get back to the elevator?” We finally arrived at my assigned table, and once he pointed it out, he disappeared.
The other three providers in the room said hello and asked if I needed help setting up. I thanked them but said I could do it on my own. A few minutes later, I was all set up and ready to go. I had planned to show a slideshow of our volunteers and past events, so I was setting that up on my laptop when a woman blew into the room like a tornado.
“Where is MY table?” she asked the same man who had so joyfully led me downstairs a few minutes earlier.
“Right there,” he said, pointing to right where I was sitting. “You’re taking one half of the table and she (meaning me) is taking the other.”
“WHAT?” she huffed. “First you bring me to a dungeon and then I don’t even have a whole table to myself?”
The man’s face dropped and he turned away from her. “Have a nice day!” he said as he disappeared again.
I immediately stood up and began to move my things to make room for hers. Just as I moved to the end of the table to adjust my laptop, I felt the table moving toward me. The woman was furiously pushing the table over so that she would have more room for her things. What she didn’t know was that the table was literally on its last leg, so it immediately collapsed onto my ankles and feet, sending all of its contents (aka MY STUFF) crashing onto the floor.
My pumpkin Dunkin Donuts coffee? Spilled.
My laptop? On the floor, but luckily it was okay.
My lucky bamboo plant? Crushed and emptied of it’s dirt. It’s little leaves were broken and scattered all over the floor. So much for good luck!
As the table came crashing down on me, the woman gasped. “Oh my GOD! She said. “I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to do that!”
I didn’t respond, because I knew she had pushed the table because she was upset. I don't think anticipated the table falling over. As I began to pick everything, my fellow providers rushed over to help as well.
Camille from City Hall ran to find some lysol wipes to wipe up the dirt.
Corey from the Consumer Affairs office in Boston grabbed paper towels.
Within a few minutes, the table was upright again. The woman didn’t say another word. She simply finished setting up her brochures.
I know she was disappointed about being placed in a basement room when she expected to be placed upstairs where all of the activity was happening. I felt the same way! But instead of huffing and puffing and blowing tables over, I set up my materials and made a few new friends (Namely: Corey and Camille).
A couple of hours after I arrived, one of my volunteers came downstairs and said “What are you doing down here? Your table is supposed to be upstairs!” He helped me pack everything up and then showed me where I could set up upstairs. I was able to spend the rest of the day where all the action was happening! No more basement dwelling for me.
And the women who made all the ruckus? She remained where she complained, and she (nor her table helpers) never left her basement quarters.
What was my lesson in this moment?
Scripture: As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good... — Genesis 50:20(a) NASB:
I hope you have the most amazing weekend ever!
her daddy’s brother was black like coal
like Michelin tires, like tar on blacktops,
draped like midnight, slick like motor oil
dripping hot every night she’d
sleep over with her cousin
onto her cot, breathing
in her ear,
called her babygirl
she never told
just buried it
deep in her heart, promised
one day she’d run so far from black that she’d
never go back
she found and married
a man as white as snow
with skin like porcelain
like angel wings, like vanilla ice cream
just so her kids would be light-bright
with no need for afro sheen
with skinny braids too thin to house clickclack beads,
Blue Magic hair grease
banned from her bathroom cabinets, she promised
she’d run so far from black that she’d
never have to go back,
naming her children
Sarah and Dylan and Meghan and Jack,
the ache to bake cornbread with cracklin’s
ignored the itch in her hands to stand at the kitchen counter cutting collard greens
she secretly hopes her children
will also seek white like she did,
they’ll also have light bright children who one day
won’t need hair grease,
who one day
won’t want chicken fried crisp in Crisco
she hopes to wash the black away, someday.
hopes to wash the black away,
(C) 2017 Crystal Senter-Brown
A prayer for mothers who are parenting alone
Heavenly Father, please bless my sister as she balances motherhood, work, school, church activities and home so perfectly.
Lord help her to build lifelong relationships with Godly people who will lift her up and encourage her instead of tearing her down with blaming nods and looks. Let her know how much you love her!
Give my sister the strength to work hard and the determination to follow the path You have created for her. May she be encouraged to finish school and (if it is Your will) to complete her college degree as well. Make her home comfortable and welcoming to all who visit, and allow it to be peaceful place she can retreat to after a long day.
Lord, please bless her with understanding and patient friends that will encourage her to always do the right thing! If marriage is what she wants for her future, surround her with married couples that will serve as examples of what a lasting and loving marriage looks like.
Lord, please help my sister to be a good steward of the income you have blessed her with. Help her to make smart financial decisions that will allow her to live comfortably, provide for her children and leave a legacy for her family. Help her to be a joyful giver to her church and to her community.
Lord, if marriage is what she wants for her future, help my sister to prepare for the husband YOU have chosen for her and help her to be okay with being alone for now. Help her to focus on raising her children, being a community leader and serving You.
Lord, let my sister know to turn to You for her every need instead of turning to destructive habits such as alcohol, drugs, excessive shopping, self-harm, over-eating or toxic relationships. Help my sister to honor her body as a temple created by You.
And finally, Lord, help my sister to have a healthy and stress-free relationship with her child’s father, even if they are no longer together. May she always be treated with respect by her child’s father and everyone she meets.
In Jesus’ name, Amen
Written by Crystal Senter Brown
Mama. Wife. Poet. Teacher. Maniac.